Mondays are usually reserved for my weekly “how do you do it” series. Today, I’m taking a break. I think I just needed to get this out there and set the record straight – if only in my brain.
I am not perfect. I really, really, really want to be. But, alas, I am not. It took a professional therapist for me to realize it fully, though. Since childhood, it was hard-wired in me to excel at everything I did. While I believe part of it was my parents always wanting the best for me, I attribute my stubbornness and desire to “get it right” from my first-born status. I know this because I am the mom of a child who is starting to look a lot like me when it comes to perfection.
The reality is none of us like to fail. We all want to be good at something. And, the human in us wants to be good at lots of things. Problem is, God doesn’t give us all the same gifts. So as I peruse Pinterest, click around on Facebook, watch television and chat it up with my friends and neighbors I have come to realize that I, indeed, am not perfect. As someone recently commented on a blog I read, “We keep comparing our outtakes to everyone else’s highlight reels.”
As I document life here at Team Whitaker, I put a lot of myself out here in cyberspace. But I keep some of it back. I mean, who wants to read how I 100% completely lost it with my kids the other day and locked myself in the bathroom and cried for five minutes? I can’t vent about some people or situations because, well, I can’t. All y’all, for the most part, see my highlight reel. I do keep it real, but I reserve the ugly stuff for God. Somedays I do get it right and I am quick to blog about it. Who wouldn’t, right? Other days I get it wrong and I blog about it, hoping you get a good laugh and I save myself a therapy session. And on other days, I write it down and just before I hit “publish,” I delete it.
My reality is that if you come by my house on a Monday morning, it will look like a bomb went off in my living room. Monday is laundry day. I never make my bed, ever, unless I know someone is coming over. If you come by unannounced please don’t walk in my room. It’s never picked up. In fact, I leave my drawers open, my shoes all over the bathroom floor and my clothes are draped over the bathtub. It drives Scott bananas. Our closets aren’t always perfect, the kids aren’t always charming, I’m not always smiling and my prayer life is often a quick “Hail Mary” before I move on to the next disaster.
But, in 20 years when I look back on the blog and recount these stories to my kids, I want them to remember the highlight reel. I want them to see how much fun they had at Art Camp, how our library visit went all wrong and why the last day of school is the best day of the year. Shoot, I want to remember the highlight reel. I want to bask in the beauty of motherhood, not wallow in its shortcomings.
Here’s to every mom who woke up this morning feeling like a failure, like she’s one cup of coffee (or in my case, Dr Pepper) short of falling on her face. Today, it’s my prayer I begin to let a few things go. Today, I’ll give it all I have and then – as a sweet commenter said a few weeks ago – coast on God.