HDYDI: Bedtime

Molly, this one’s for you.  Our kids go to bed around 7.  Yes, they get up early (around 6:30), no it doesn’t help to put them to bed later, they just get up earlier.  In the early days, Will went to bed around 8:30 and when he started waking up earlier and earlier, we decided to push his bedtime back.  Voila.  Peace in the household.  Since then, it’s been a 7pm bedtime.  What Scott and I found is that our children are happier when they get more rest and we are happier because we get some couple time in the evenings.  When you fill some of those hours up with making lunches, doing laundry, paying bills and working, then the time you do have together is precious.  We decided to maximize it for the sake of our marriage.

Here’s our best tips for getting kids to bed without the drama.  {Disclaimer:  We still have some mighty drama at our house, but not nearly as much as the early days.  Hey, they’re kids, drama is what they do best.}

HDYDI:  BEDTIME ROUTINE

1.  Keep it consistent.  Occasionally, we bend the rules like when we’re visiting friends out of town or it’s the 4th of July, but we don’t do it often.  When we do bend the rules, our kids know it’s something special.  Every night, it’s 5:30 dinner, 6:15 bath, 7:00 book, prayers and lights out.  Now that Will’s involved in middle school sports, we’re adjusting that dinner time.  Yeah, we have to split up sometimes so that some get in bed while the others finish up sports practices.  You adjust, but the routine doesn’t go away.  Here’s a LINK to the sleep chart we’ve used as a guideline.

2.  The kids get their one last drink of water, hug, kiss, bathroom break and anything else they can dream up and then it’s lights out.  We’ve found that if you start negotiating with your kids, they become the ones in charge.  Not you.  Stand your ground.

3.  The less you say, the better.  When your kids realize you’re going to engage them in conversation or lay in bed with them until they fall asleep, wouldn’t you stall, too?  We have a saying in our house – it’s like putting up the dishes, wash ’em, dry ’em and put ’em up.  Please don’t get me wrong, our reading and prayer time is special.  Very special.  It’s the time of the day where we really learn more about what’s going on and sort out some issues.  But, when it’s bedtime, it’s bedtime.  There have been a bazillion studies on the importance of healthy sleep habits – better grades, slimmer waistline and on and on.  We simply want to foster good sleep habits.  It will pay dividends for a lifetime.

4.  Find other times during the day to have meaningful “quality time.”  Maybe you do “best/worst” at the family dinnertime, where the kids share the best and worst of their day.  Perhaps it’s a family prayer at breakfast or on the way to school.  A parent date day on the weekend.  Ice cream as a family after dinner.  I think too many times we put all this pressure on ourselves that the bedtime is the only time we can connect with our children and so we make excuses for our behavior.  Abandon the guilt.  Find a time to connect with your child without sacrificing their basic need for sleep.

5.  Find a routine you love.  For us, it started when the kids were babies.  I read a fabulous book by Dr. Jodi Mindell, “Sleeping Through The Night.”  Y’all, hands down, best sleep book I ever read.  She got past all the ‘let ’em cry themselves to sleep’ and focused more on the fundamentals.  Everyone has a sleep-wake pattern throughout the night.  We all wake up and, yet, we must find a way to put ourselves back to sleep.  It is THE key to healthy sleep habits.  Not only does she address sleep habits for the early months, but the toddler and school-age years, as well.  We started our routine and did the same thing, every night.  That way, when someone else put our children to bed, they knew our routine and our children still went to sleep (for the most part!)

6.  Know when you might need help.  We’ve had night terrors, sleepwalking, peeing in the bed and screaming for hours on end.  If there’s been a bad sleeping scenario, I think Scott and I have lived through it.  It is brutal.  Every child is different, but find something that works for you.  And, when you can’t figure it out, seek some professional help.  Our children’s hospital here has a sleep clinic that is amazing.  I had a dear friend whose son couldn’t sleep until he’d thought of all the words that began with “J.”  He would be up hours trying to solve the riddle.  He couldn’t shut his mind off at all.  I can’t even tell you how many times we found Will in his closet, with the light on, sound asleep with a book on his chest.  And, with Luke I thought I might check myself into the crazy house.  Months and months of screaming for 2-3 hours a night.  No reason.  Talk about taking away your sanity.

7.  Wear your kids out.  Children should be getting some great physical exercise everyday.  You know what I mean.  On the days your kids go to the pool, they crash at night, don’t they?  Not only does it help with sleep, but it’s great for their overall health.  We have a rule at our house – no screen time during the week.  No TV, Wii, computer, iPhone, iwhatever until the weekend.  They have to earn it.  What that translates into is some great creative play with one another and our neighbors.

8.  When it’s a holiday or someday special, lower your expectations.  Night before Christmas?  Birthday?  New baby in the house?  Lower those expectations.  You’ll thank me later.

9.  As the children get older, we’ve adjusted their lights out time.  Just in the last year, we’ve allowed Will to stay up until 8pm.  But, it was so much easier to make bedtime later, than earlier.  I think that’s the case with so many things in life…  Ease up after you’ve laid down the law.

We are by no means sleep experts, we’ve just found a system that works for us.  It’s a combination of practical experience, great books and awesome advice from friends in the trenches.  Here’s to a good night’s sleep at your house!