Dear God…

Why does the loss of a baby hurt so much? A sweet friend of ours called and we found out she miscarried her twins. My heart dropped. Five years ago, we made a similar call to dear friends. That call doesn’t get any easier. We did, as a great book said, go from “sorrow to serenity.” But when the call comes – and you know in your heart by the pause – that the news is some you’ve experienced before. The raw pain comes right back. I guess I didn’t expect it to hurt so much to have a miscarriage. My chances were low and I wasn’t a high-risk pregnancy. I ate right. I drank bucketfuls of water. I’m a Christian. Excuse me, God, but I think you’ve got the wrong person here.

And then, wham-o. I remember feeling like I was going to get sick. Right then and there. Obviously, my OB had the wrong patient. The ultrasound technician didn’t look in the right place. And then I look at Scott and knew. Then the tears. Lots and lots and lots and lots – and lots – of tears. Then came the D&C. Lots of calls. Cards. Well-meaning friends with kind words. Each day got a little easier, and some got a little harder.

We’ve made it a point to tell our kids about the baby we lost. We want them to know about their brother or sister. It’s been an opportunity for us to see how peace can come out of pain.

Today, we are thankful for the four children we have here with us. And, equally thankful for the reminder that life is precious.


  1. Nicole on September 27, 2008 at 7:20 pm

    Kathryn… I am so sorry to hear about your friend’s loss. There are no words at a time like this, and yes, God may use even the pain you experienced to comfort someone else you love and care about. Praying for lots of peace — for her and you — and that through it all God can be glorified.

  2. The Ball's Blog on September 29, 2008 at 3:55 pm

    Kathryn…I went through the same experience. It is awful after your ultrasound and the woman at the front desk says, "congratulations, when can i make your next four week appointment." Choking up and being stoic, you have to say, "no, I need to schedule a D&C." I still remember it so vividly today. I will never let the nervousness end during one of your first appointments and how sweaty I was until after we heard a heartbeat, or I prayed that I would feel sick. you know?

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