The 10 Best Things About Breaking Your Knee Cap

Three weeks ago I did a perfect lunge at the pool, with baby in hands, and my left knee took one for the team. It was actually more like a slip on concrete in flip flops, but whatever.

Knee cap broken.

Surgery was two weeks ago. That was fun.

As I sit here on my couch, mostly, for the next three weeks before getting clearance to bend my knee and start PT, I thought y’all might appreciate a top ten of sorts. Interestingly, Pinterest doesn’t have any “these are the best things about breaking your knee” pins (what’s that all about?). Here goes:

1. You can make all the knee jokes you want. Kinda like dam jokes, but with your knee. You can go to the theatre and yell out, “Break a leg!” and then hoist your crutches in the air. Or, you can ask your friends if they kneed anything and then bust out laughing.

2. Shuttle service. Leg too straight to drive? Call up your friends to go joy riding. Or go to the grocery store, whichever comes first.

3. All those times you felt guilty about not sweeping the floor? You’re too hopalongy (my new word) to do it now!

4. A kitchen vacation. I’ve hoisted myself off the couch to get a cold sweet tea. And that’s about it.

5. Watch “Ripped in 30” videos with no regrets while drinking a sweet tea on your couch. It won’t be a picnic in 6 weeks burning off this fat, but until then? Cheers.

6. You only have to shave one leg. Need I say more?

7. No muffin top because all you’re wearing are yoga pants and stretchy skirts. Long live the knee brace.

8. Good drugs. Yessssssss.

9. Perfect your “recess voice” with your kids. Nobody really listens to me anyway.

10. Catch up on all those podcasts you’ve been meaning to listen to. And boy are there some good ones.

Next week, I’ll finally be blogging about our epic 10-state, 2,900-mile vacation. Yay! Yay! Yay!