Top Ten: Little Known Campaign Issues

Well, sorry I’m late in the day on getting the top ten list out. Many of my clients are campus ministry programs and they’re all on spring break next week. So, they all had a conference call and decided to send me work the same week. That was so nice of them to coordinate, wasn’t it? And, Scott is Mr. Fundraiser the next few months. All good causes, mind you, but he’s busy. And for a family who’s love language (read: MY love language) is quality time, we’re missing ‘ol dad. I digress.

Here you have it, this week’s top ten…the campaign issues that nobody’s talking about, but should be. We’re Team Whitaker and we approve this message.

LITTLE KNOWN CAMPAIGN ISSUES

1. Daylight Savings Time. Why can’t we all be on it? Indiana came into the fold about a year ago. Come on Arizona, hop aboard.

2. Finance Reform. Presidential candidates must do one hour of community service (and no, kissing babies and shaking hands while digging ditches does NOT count) for every government dollar they want to spend.

3. Candy at the checkout counter. This really should be outlawed. It’s just a fit waiting to happen, isn’t it? Everytime we go to the store, we have “THE SPEECH” – you know, good choices, no running, no talking to weird people, blah, blah. But, still, every time we go to the checkout line I have to repeat, “No, we’re not getting that candy today.” “Please, put that down.” “Maybe next time.” And, usually at some point someone screams, throws themselves on the floor in Oscar-winning fashion and the gig is up.

4. Cell phones. I know, they’re convenient. But, seriously, do you have to drive with it to your ear? Put it down people. In other countries they’re outlawed. I’m with ’em on that one. Now, if I could just remember where I put mine last…

5. Blow-up thingey’s at car dealerships. Do those really make you want to buy a car? “Hey, honey, let’s go buy that $30,000 car from the dealership with the big, scary gorilla on top. That just screams great customer service. The dinosaur dealership is just all wrong for our new car.”

6. Mailers to explain energy deregulation. At least once a week some company comes to the door telling us we’re paying outrageous fees for electricity. OK, so give me a master brochure with everybody’s prices on it, or let’s just all go solar. Sound good? Great, mark me down.

7. The price of baby food. This is a racket. When we first started buying this stuff in 2001, we could get like 4 jars for a dollar. Now it’s like .50/jar for the regular stuff and nearly twice that for organic. I should’ve bought stock in Gerber 7 years ago. Ugh.

8. Mandated siestas. Mexico and Italy are brilliant when it comes to this one. Entire countries shut down so people can eat a nice big lunch, TAKE A NAP, and then get back to work. Brilliant. Maybe we wouldn’t be so snippy if we all took an afternoon nap.

9. Time travel. With 4 kids, how I wish I could bi-locate and be two, three or four places at once.

And, saving the best for last…

10. No work on Sundays. This was actually one of our Lenten goals, but we want to make it a priority all year. How many times have you filled up with gas, washed your car, gone grocery shopping, stopped in at Home Depot, eaten out, bought party decorations, yadda, yadda, yadda on a Sunday? Uh, guilty, guilty, guilty and guilty. That means that someone has to work to make my life more convenient. Someone has to work, rather than be at home with their families on this Holy day. So, here’s to less “stuff” on Sundays and more time at home with the fam.